Facebook is the biggest social media platform on the planet. You get to enjoy a lot of fun using this platform as it helps you connect with friends. Funny Facebook statuses help you attract a lot of attention and followership to your account.
In this post, we look at examples of funny Facebook statuses and a few other pieces of information about statuses.
Defining Facebook status update
A status update or post is creating and publishing information on Facebook. On most browsers used in opening Facebook, you will find a box with the inscription “what’s on your mind.” If you click on the box, it expands and shows you more options on the sides. This works whether it’s on a system or a mobile phone. Your status is not updated until you click the post button.
Examples of Funny Statuses on Facebook
- Arguing with an idiot is useless, you become like them and they even win you through experience.
- Asked for a bike from God, instead of waiting I went ahead to steal one. Since I sure know that’s not how god works. So I have asked for forgiveness.
- Who has complete ears and doesn’t hear? Grandpa.
- Our society is one in which you order for pizza and place a distress call at the same time. You are sure your pizza will arrive before the police.
- Thinking you’re a Christian because you attend church is equivalent to being a car because you’re in the garage.
- Faking relationship is to men what faking orgasm is to women.
- You think some people are bright until you hear them speak. Don’t worry yourself we all know light moves before sound.
- Hurting you is the last on my mind, but it is still on my mind.
- Agreeing with you means we are both wrong.
- No one grows up really, we just eventually learn to comport ourselves in outside.
- There is two emotion common to men: horny and hungry. If you meet a man who isn’t erect get him something to eat.
- War isn’t about who’s on their right but who’s left.
- Diapers and politicians are the same, should be regularly changed because they both stink.
- Playing bridge and having sex are the same. You a very good hand if your partner is bad.
- Mum never realized the irony of calling me son of a bitch.
- Stealing an idea from a person is plagiarism while stealing from different people is research.
- Being perceived as a fool while silent is better than talking and giving yourself away.
- If you think your absence won’t be felt then try to skip some payments.
- How one careless match starts a forest fire but needs the whole box to start a campfire beats me.
- Some people like slinkies are good for nothing, but you will always smile whenever one rolls downstairs.
- Turned out that all I wanted was paychecks, not a career.
- It’s amazing how the smartness of dolphins. They actually train humans to stand on the pool edge and throw fish to them one week after being captured.
- While filling forms and they ask for who to contact in the event of an emergency, I write “doctor”. Is not like my mum can do anything.
- Banks will only loan you money if you have proof that it’s not necessary.
- It’s not your fault but I blame you.
- You should never use laxative and sleeping pill at the same time. It’s disastrous.
- She had on a sweatshirt that said GUESS written on it. I answered with IMPLANTS.
- What device is used to find furniture in the dark? The ‘shinbone’.
- The computer that beat me while playing chess was no match for my kickboxing.
- They believed you when you say there are 4 billion stars in existence but not when you say the paint is wet. They actually check it.
- The purpose of having a middle name is to know when you are in real trouble.
- Bad girls that were never caught are called good girls.
- Why is it only two people that contest for the American president and fifty for most beautiful girl in America?
- Midgets smell crowded elevators different from others.
- There is a voice in my head it may not be real but it sure has good ideas.
- If you have a clear conscience means your memory is bad.
- If you place artificial intelligence and natural stupidity side by side, natural stupidity wins always.
- Getting into fights with ugly people is worthless, they have nothing to lose.
- The fall doesn’t kill you, that sudden stop in the end.
- When you want to borrow money, borrow from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect you to pay.
- If you smile when in crises, you already know who to blame.
- It’s your problem if you marry, every man was born unfettered.
- There is enough control for guns, it’s how to control the idiots we need.
- Don’t make war, make love instead. You could have both: get married.
- Even if my opinion has changed doesn’t mean I am not right.
- Even if money can’t buy happiness, but it can make misery easier.
- If you don’t know what to say, just mumble.
- Even if they don’t hit hard women sure hit low.
- It’s good to worry, at the end of the day 90% of your worries doesn’t happen.
- Had the world not sucked we would have all fallen off. Always remember that.
- Some people bring happiness everywhere they go while some others every time they go.
- Only God can love you, cos everyone thinks you’re unlovable.
- I got a shape. I believe round is also a shape. Is it not?
- If anything bleeds for five days non-stop and still live, I won’t trust it.
- Work fascinates me makes me like it. I stare at it all day.
- I have seen a lot, done a lot and can’t remember a lot.
- Hit a man with a baseball bat, not glasses.
- Exercise and eat right, you will still die.
- You don’t outgrow learning something stupid.
- Remember it is water the fire department uses always to quench fire. Don’t use fire for fire.
- But Noah didn’t have to save the 2 mosquitoes.
- With enough thrust, a pig will fly perfectly well.
- You want to know if you hit the target, first shoot now name whatever you hit your target.
- A bargain is something you don’t need but you just can’t resist the price.
- A TV will underrate your intelligence trust computer to finish you.
- They say winning isn’t everything but they still keep score.
- Virginity and soap bubble are the same, you prick it once and it’s gone.
- If you don’t succeed the first time, forget about skydiving.
- Men can be really polite. They only stare at the little covered places on your body while you wear a bikini. Meanwhile, 90% is exposed.
- When you hear “I have a question for you”. Every bad thing you have done in recent starts to pop up in your head.
- I am a social vegetarian, I stay away from meet.
- If you hear me say “it’s a very long story”, just know that I don’t intend to tell you.
- You think I am funny but I am just mean. People just conclude that I am joking.
- Does happen to you too? Go to the toilet playing with your phone that when you realize it you were done for over 10 minutes.
- I have had enough of the distant relationship, it’s time you move in with my fridge.
- I don’t do twitter instead I go everywhere with a megaphone announcing what’s going on with me at random. Guess what! I have three followers already and I think two are cops.
- I will be standing outside if you asked just tell them “I am outstanding”.
- Bad ideas can produce some really great memories.
- Sleep and I have a sweet relationship, it gives me some every night. Some times during the day I get more if I am in luck.
- I got a text from him saying “you’re adorable”. I replied NO, “you’re adorable”. He likes me now when what I did was point out a grammatical error.
- For those of you that think I worth nothing, you should know I have a lot of great qualities. You could call them symptoms that’s what my therapist says they are.
- Weight loss tips: move your head left then right, again to the left, keep repeating it. You should do that all the times you are given food.
- I am going to drink tonight until I become another person’s problem.
- To display healthy insanity when you want to live the zoo, start running and shouting towards the parking lot. “They are loose run for your dear lives”
- If it’s perfect it’s not real, if it’s real it’s not perfect.
- Cops get offended when you’re told to raise your hand in the air and you wave at them. It’s like you don’t care.
- You had a fantastic arrival can we see you depart?
- If only I could find somebody to blame for everything just like my wife.
- Life would have been really perfect. All we need is a mute button for some girls, edit button for some guys and fast forward for bad times.
- 4th of July always reminds me that my dog would be very useless in a war.
- I am a nice person actually until you find my trouble.
- Whoever created “common sense” the phrase didn’t really know a lot of people.
- Do you still call two vegetarian rivalries a beef?
- For vegans it’s easier to hunt, you can always sneak in on plants.
- Tequila might not solve your problem, but a shot won’t hurt.
- She could have it from birth or it’s a filter from Instagram.
- It’s annoying when doctors ask difficult questions like ‘are you active sexually’. ‘Active’ could mean anything like a volcano that has been building for 50 years ‘Very Active’.
- Instead of magazines, it should be phone chargers in waiting rooms.
- Soon Wal-Mart’s security cameras will be a hit TV reality show.
- The way homeless people jiggle their coins bowls at me is just annoying. I get it, they are richer than me they don’t have to put it in my face always.
- Wondering what sort of rubbish will appear tonight in my dream.
- My alarm clock laughed at me this morning until I realized it’s upside down and time is 7:07.
- Duct tape will not cure stupidity but it will muffle its sound.
- Before choosing sides we should listen to Adele’s ex-boyfriend’s tracks, just my thought.
- I am depressed by Wal-Mart.
- Do you know why I will never have kids? Whatever they do will be your fault.
- Didn’t know why the doctor prescribed LSD for constipation until I saw the dragon and shit myself.
- Heat expands things, so I am hot, not fat.
- I will just name it ‘ta-da’ list. It will be a surprise if I ever get to do any of the things listed on it.
- Costco: world’s most expensive saving money place.
- All tattoo artists are supposed to have spelling checks in-built.
- My skills at making decisions are the same as a squirrel about to cross the street.
- “I don’t act the way most girls do, I swear,” said most girls.
- FBI is no match for a jealous woman.
- Like sperm, only one in a million politicians is actually human.
- Caught a guy checking my wife out, Well Dude Good Luck. We are married and my chances are zero with her.
- I can’t seem to know the whereabouts of your phone. Oh, it’s I am holding it. This can be really annoying.
Things you can post on your status
Texts are frequently used in status updates on Facebook and they are the easiest to use. Before now Facebook text status are restricted to 420 letters but it has evolved. You can now make use of over 60000 letters precisely 63,206. That is like writing a storybook. You have freedom of expression, whatever you write is your business. You only need to contain within the character limit.
2. Photos and/or videos
To add photos or videos on Facebook you need to use the box for a status update. You click on the appropriate attachment for either photos or videos. You could add text to your photos and videos, either before upload or after, or you could not. You have the option of uploading as much as 1000 photos to an album you create, used to be 400. You could also do multiple uploads in a post.
This feature available on the mobile and desktops applications. In fact, the mobile app made it so easy that you can take a picture directly with your camera. Some people even see Facebook as a place to store memories and memorable events.
You can also add links from other web pages as your status. Yes, all web pages have addresses which are called link. You can copy this and post on Facebook, it can sometimes add thumbnails like pictures attached to the address. This might not happen always, depends on how Facebook scans the page with the link. So if you need to post a photo in your update do that yourself.
4. Privacy setting
You can make your post as private as possible using the privacy button just beside the post button. Whatever setting you use in your previous update will appear which you can always change. Your option determines who can see your update. You should know that on the internet nothing is private really. Anyone can copy or screen grab or save your status to repost.
5. Location and places
You can add your location or place to status updates. This is even made easy by mobile apps as it is easy to get locations through the various networks. You can sometimes use the map pinned to the side of the status box to add location.
6. Scheduling post
You can schedule when your post appears on your timeline for viewing with this icon. All you need to is to set a time schedule for your post. You can also backdate your post. All you need to do is while doing a post add time, hour, day month or year with the calendar.
Funny Facebook Status Roundup
We hope this post has inspired you to write your next funny Facebook status. You will be surprised at how many followers you will attract with your status. Share some of your funny statuses with us in the comments section.